How Hamels handle hardship

While N8 and I were engaged, one of the many nuggets of marriage insight I was given  was:  Be aware — the things that you currently love about the person will later drive you nuts.  (Ahh, so warm and fuzzy. )

The funny thing is, with N8, I’ve had the opposite experience. The very thing that was initially *unattractive* to me–one of the main reasons I wasn’t interested in dating him–is now one of my favorite things about him:  his humor.

Before I saw the light, I likened N8 to a Christian frat-boy: just a big goofball who was funny–yes–but lacking in substance. All I ever heard were jokes–never any keen insight on God and life.

For those who know N8, they just shake their heads when they hear me say that because it’s so off-base!  He might not offer up advice, thoughts, and insights, but if you take the time to ask, you’ll be amazed at the depth of this guy’s heart and mind.

All that being said, I’m still thrown off by his responses at times–expecting deep profound emotion and receiving a joke.  Like last Friday, for instance.

Last week, we found out that N8’s dad’s Lymphoma has returned.  Apparently, it never fully went away. The next step is:  a couple more rounds of chemo, then a bone marrow transplant. The transplant process will likely include 4-6 weeks in isolation (or, as we call it, “in solitary”) because he will, literally, have no immune system for a while.

When we found out on Friday, I had one reaction, and N8 had another.

I went up to my bed, cried a bit, prayed a lot, and just let myself be sad.  After a while, I thought, “Ok, Jenn, time to get your mind off yourself.  Let’s get dinner started and, hey, maybe support your husband a bit.”

So I went downstairs, asked N8 how he was doing.  “Ok,” he said.  “Since my dad might be confined for a while, I said I’d go to Petsmart and get the biggest gerbil ball I could find. Maybe then he can run around outside.”

I simultaneously burst into laughter and tears!  How does he do that? How does he joke in a situation like this–in a way where I know he’s neither hiding his emotions nor denying the situation.  He’s just being N8.

This is partly due to his job; you have to have a sense of humor as a firefighter.  You have to know what you can control and what you can’t–what to act on and what to wait on.  You can’t worry about events that haven’t happened or stress about what has already passed; you have to simply live in the present and be prepared to react appropriately at just the right time.

From what I’ve observed, this is how the Hamels handle most things; they seem to take one day at at time, trust that God loves us and will help us through any situation, and–in the mean time–live, laugh, and love.

N8 and I are a good balance for each other in that way.  Neither of us will probably change our core reactions over the years; it’s how we’re wired. But I do believe we learn from each other, and our perspectives are broadened.

In the years I’ve known N8, I’ve only seen him cry twice (although once was as a result of laughing so hard at the end of “Little Miss Sunshine”); I know that, when there are times to be sad, he shows it.  But right now is not one of those times.  Today is today–not a hypothetical worst-case scenario in the coming years. Today’s a day to live, laugh, and love.

I suppose it’s fitting that N8’s favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes.  As Solomon wrote:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. (Ecc 3:1-8)

Go eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. (Ecc 9:7)