Thoughts on a Friday afternoon at Starbucks

Six weeks from today, baby. Literally.

The closer I get to the delivery date, the more I find myself worrying and wondering. Fortunately, I do more of the latter than the former, but I’d say it’s still a 60/40 split.

When I see little boys–and all the energy they have bottled up in them–I wonder what kind of personality Buddy’s going to have.

When I see the barista at Sbux with big African-like ear-rings (where you can see through his ear lobes), I wonder what Buddy’s style will be like.

When I see men in different professions: teenage boys bagging groceries and playing sports; men in their 20s driving fire trucks and playing sports;  men in their 30s as doctors and pastors (and yes, playing sports ) . . . I wonder what Buddy’s gifting will be like. What will be his hobbies? What will he enjoy doing? Will he want to be a firefighter like his dad?  Or an IT project manager like his mom?  (Clearly, we all know the cooler choice between the two! haha)

How can N8 and I cultivate an environment where he learns to love God, love other people, and live a life where he does both through whatever he chooses to do?

How can we raise him to love his family, support his friends, be polite to others, respect his elders, and truly be a blessing and gift to other people (including, perhaps, his future wife)–all the meanwhile cultivating his talents and interests, not squelching his personality?

For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been thinking about issues beyond “natural vs. epidural?”   “Will I be able to take the pain?”  and “How much weight will I gain?”    (All legitimate questions, of course!)

I see a gentleman in his 30s who appears to have a mental handicap; will Buddy?  Or will he have any learning disabilities?

I can’t look at males of any age without wondering how Buddy will grow up.

Michael, a 4-year old, is dancing around my chair, and he just introduced himself to me.  He has a chocolate covered mouth and is as happy as a clam dancing and chatting with people while his mom has coffee with a friend.  His older sister is texting and trying to avoid too much interaction with her (clearly) *embarrassing* little brother.

I guess it just reminds me that each person is so unique, and –although it’s okay to wonder (and even worry a little bit) — at the end of the day, God is creating this little guy.  God’s the one who made this whole crazy human experience possible, and he knows exactly how Buddy will be.  He also knows how to give N8 and me wisdom for every step along the way.

Psalm 139: 13-18

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.